Pls read.... Need advice!!! Do you think he'll realize he doesn't want to lose me and be sure about our future

Ok, I've asked a few questions on this situation. My fiance and bf of 11 yrs is unsure about our relationship. We've been fighting a lot and do have some issues. I feel like we can work anything out together. I've told him and agreed that we need to make changes but he's still unsure. We were supossed to get married this January but he says he wants to SEE that everything will be ok BEFORE we talk anymore about marriage. I see his point but just can't put any more effort into this if after 11 yrs he is unsure and I will always be worrying that he'll leave. I will gladly work on the relationship and do whatever I can to meet his needs but I can't do it under a cloud of doubt. I've basically told him that he needs to be certain about our future together before I can give any more to this relationship. There will always be problems as things will never be perfect but I feel you have to work through them. Do you think he'll realize he doesn't want to lose me and be sure about our future???Pls read.... Need advice!!! Do you think he'll realize he doesn't want to lose me and be sure about our future
i bet you wrote this after talking to every one of your friends. i bet they all told you that he's going to miss out on the best thing he's ever met. i bet they even said that you should just walk away.


i think you should get better friends.


you're not looking for advice, you're looking for sympathy or empathy. well here it is.


1. grow up. 11 years and he's staying at dad's house..... don't bother ordering a wedding cake.


2. i don't think ';he'll realize he doesn't want to lose (you)';. He's not even in the game. You can't wish him back. You can dare him back. You can't curse him back.


3. Most men know whether or not they want to be married after 1 or 2 years, 4 at best. You're spending too much time waiting for a man that won't commit.


4. There is a lot you haven't said in this but honestly, do you really think that there's a ';something'; to be worked out? If so, how much longer will it take? another 11 years?Pls read.... Need advice!!! Do you think he'll realize he doesn't want to lose me and be sure about our future
I don't want to seem unkind, but feel candor is in order. If your fiance is unsure of your relationship after eleven years, just what will it take to make him sure? It sounds to me like you're hanging on to him for fear of being alone. He has no intention of changing and does not want to marry you. You are the one pushing the ';relationship'; and you're worried that he'll leave you. You are willing to do anything to keep the relationship, but you're in it alone.





Be honest with yourself: if he loved you, and the relationship were right and healthy for both of you, you'd be married by now. Even when you marry, you don't know that everything will be OK, but you tough it out together. Even if he agrees to marry you, do you feel confident that he'll stay? What is he doing to meet your needs?





You've invested too much time. Leave him. More importantly, figure out what it is about him that has made you sacrifice eleven years of your life. Finally, open yourself up to someone who treasures you and with whom you feel secure. Focus on what's good for you and truly makes you happy.
move on if he has not figured it out after 11years he never will
After 11 years and you still aren't married? Honey, that should be all the proof you need to realize this isn't going anywhere. I'm not so sure he's the marriage type. He's in a comfort zone and with you bending over backwards to cater to his every want, there's no way he'd leave. But one has to ask why you stay? This is 11 years you are never going to get back. You make plans for a wedding and then he says he's not sure. You also said there is fighting and issues. I think you need to do some soul searching. This sounds like an addiction rather than a healthy relationship. It might be time for you to leave and find someone who appreciates you, wants to be with you and won't question everything. Someone who knows what he wants and is willing to prove it with a trip to the alter. Everyone deserves better than this honey, and if getting married is your life dream, don't waste anymore time on someone who is not interested in making that come true for you.
sounds like he's hiding something from you or maybe perhaps he is worried about being a married man and therfore subconciously creating problems for you two. Thats just my two pence.





zombie
I think you keep on asking about this because your wanting to hear ';Yes, he loves you and will realize that he doesn't want to live without you.';





If he's not sure about the future with you after 11 years...good grief....don't be holding your breath thinking he's going to suddenly realize he's sure.
Im sorry to say ...hes already made up his mind ...men are like that ...when its done ...its done.....
Okay miss! He's put you off for 11 years and you're STILL allowing him to step on you and put the wedding off. 11 years!!! Close you eyes right now and say it out like a whole bunch of times; ';11 years. 11 years. 11 years.......';





I think it's time you cared more about yourself than putting the needs of a man (who obviously doesn't love you enough to marry you) instead of the person who deserves it most; you.





Tell him you've found God and can no longer be his concubine. If you love this guy, than he should be walking across razor blade roads and rubbing alcohol rivers to get to marry a wonderful woman like you.





No more sex with him NADA! Once he says, ';I do'; than he can have the priviledge or having you as HIS WIFE.
To be honest, I can't tell you how he is going to feel. Only he can do that.





It looks to me like maybe you two would be best to go your seperate ways. If you have been together 11 years and are supposed to be getting married in 6 months and he is not sure, then I think that should be a clear signal to BOTH of you.





Sometimes we love someone a lot more than they love us. What you need to remember is that you can not make him love you. If he doesn't love you as much as you love him, then you deserve to move on and begin a new life without him. You need to find someone who knows for sure that they love you and want to be with you.





Don't pressure him. Allow him to make his own decision in his own time. You pressuring him is not going to change the outcome or the way he feels. It's only going to upset your more and cause even more stress on your relationship.





They say everything happens for a reason....better for this to happen now, then after the marriage.
I would say first of all how long have you been engaged and did he ask you or you ask him? If he asked you than I don't think he really wanted the commitment of marriage and is happy with how things are and as you stated he has a place to go. If you asked him he might for whatever reason feel trapped. Either way is a difficult question. One is he may have decided not to get married and just be a b/f g/f type situation and lastly may have a girl on the side and is it possible he is married and you don't know. whatever the reason pry to God and ask for guidance