Please don't prejudge me, try to be in my shoes (long but I need advice, I have no one to talk to) 10 points..

Where do I start? ufff





ok, I am 31 year old American soldier stationed in Belgium, when I first came to Belgium I left in California a partner (I am gay) of 4 years.... we started doing the long distance relationship but eventually we grew apart (apparently I did more) though we still call each other and we haven't broken up.





Almost 7 months ago I met this Hungarian guy working tempoerarily in Belgium and we started as simply friends, eventually we both fell in love and became who I consider to be my soul mate, everything I look for in a person.... (did I mention I am gay?), he is 33 and once again, e was living in Belgium temporarily until august 01,08 because of his job; make story short, he also had a long distance relationship back in hungary with his partner of 6 years, although according to his account, the relationship was pretty much over after he found a profile on the internet from his partner, looking for sexual partners......





we decided to give it a try without talking to our respective partners eventhugh we both knew that our relationship would eventually become long distance as I am in the Army and he was going to hungary and we had both long term long distance relationships.





We became quite attached and pretty much soul mates to the point he proposed me to get out of the army and marry him under european gay marriage laws so I could stay in europe and work and live with him to which I accepted.





well the time came for him to leave and he is now back in hungary, I am going thru a lot of pain because of the distance and the fact that I am also sort of fed up of being in the military, I have a year and a half left in my contract.





he calls me and tells me he misses me and all, me moving to hungary is not an option as once again I am in the Army, but there are certain things that bother me, one he has been in hungary for a week and he has yet to speak with his so called partner about his new life and how they should both terminate the relationship.... two, I see pictures from my california partner and i feel like I still have feelings for him and third


we talk for a few minutes 16 minutes or so every day, mostly at night and then he has to go because his brother/ friend/ parents/ dinner date with colleagues etc, so talking to me becomes like a secondary priority over his social affairs.





Me, I am tremendously lonely here in belgium, I am in a very rural area with not many things to do so my escape is the weekends which I use to go to paris, london, amsterdam etc. he on the other hand is back in his home country surrounded by his family, friends, culture etc..... this gives me the feelings I am suffering more and makes it feel like it is unfair to me for some reason.





I sent him a very honest open email about my feelings the same day he left (6 days ago) and I have yet to see a reply because he doesnt have internet yet, but his parents, friends , brother have internet, he saw the email and is waiting for the internet to be connected in his home, if it was me i would have replied long ago already from a friend's computer if i love him that much!! my sweet phone messages come back with a simple.......... yeah I love u too baby.





He claims he loves me and actually cried when I told him maybe we should go our own ways like a month before because he said he is convinced i am the love of his life.





I love him a lot and it hurts me to think that our relationship might just come to an end because of the situation, maybe it was not meant to be but on the other hand I believe he is the love of my life and I don't want to lose him... I feel as if I should fight it for him, I mean why not take the risk and tell the army i am gay so I can be discharged and go to him? would that be smart?





I feel as if God or destiny just likes to play with my feelings....





I am really in need of some advice of what should I do....





I need some tips on how to live day by day in this tiny little town while he is away, I also want him to communicate more with me..... 16 minute calls every day at night is not enough, he wont text message me unless I text message him and then when he calls me he sort of rushes things so he can hang up the phone..... I feel as if he is having it easier than although he claims he is not.





please help me somehow, I am desperate and tired and lonely.Please don't prejudge me, try to be in my shoes (long but I need advice, I have no one to talk to) 10 points..
All of you problems are arising out of one thing. Your mind is either in the past or the future. You are not attempting to spend most of your thoughts in the present moment. When we think of the past or the future, it always is worry, concern, fear or something else. If we attempt to live in the now and life that moment we feel more at peace. Do not do anything at this time, because you sound too confused. Try to keep your mind out of the past and the future and go on with your day to day life. Give yourself a month or more and then choose a direction which gives you more peace in your heart. You always have a way out of the army if you want to (telling them you are gay) so you do not have to concern yourself about that. Let things come to you, don't go chasing after what you feel you want at this time. If you are meant to be togehter with your new soul mate, you will, if you do not stress over it. Let things happen. I do not belong to an organized religion but I do believe that if you ';Let go and let God'; in otherwords just let things happen, you are always better off.





Good luck.





GrandmotherPlease don't prejudge me, try to be in my shoes (long but I need advice, I have no one to talk to) 10 points..
Go look for someone else because it is Definitely possible that he is into girls now.
Tell the story where there's love can be.
First of all -the boyfriend in California. I think you just need to ask him (and yourself) some really important questions. Like - Does he still want to be in this relationship? Is he willing to work out any problems you might have, maybe with counseling? maybe his distant behaviour is because he feels like the relationship is already lost and if you both are not really saying how you feel then there will be a lot of confusion and neither of you wanting to say incase the other one doesn't agree. Can you write him a letter? That way you can think about what you want say and you won't hurt him by blurting something out when you are angry or upset. Be open and honest about what you want from him and if he wants the same, then great. If not then you are going to have to accept that it's over.


The Hungarian - I think when you met him, you were feeling rejected and lonely and while I'm not saying that the feelings weren't real, ask yourself if you would have considered it if the circumstances had been different? Maybe he was just lookin for a bit of fun while he was in Belgium, safe in the knowledge that he wouldn't get caught? I think the reason he hasn't broken up with his partner is because he has no intention of doing so. You should maybe forget about him;he is just going to hurt you and confuse you even more. Try and work things out with your boyfriend and if you can't, take it as an opportunity to sort out what YOU want. Good luck in whatever decision you make
I hope you're okay. I know it's hard. I'm going through a similar situation in my life (emotionally, at least). It's so confusing, and it's so hard to know what is the right thing to do. The only advice I can really give (and I am trying to do this too) is to follow your heart. Your heart will hopefully lead you to do what is best for you. What would make you most happy? What would make life really worth living? Who would you rather spend the rest of your life with? And try to stay positive even though it's hard. Maybe he doesn't call because he's going through similar emotions as you are, maybe he's doubting himself or worrying and this is making him be distant.





I hope you're doing all right and I wish you the best. Really. I know I don't know you but I know how painful it is to be dealing with confusing relationships like you are describing, and it just breaks my heart to know you're going through something like this too.









Aw hunny that's horrible. It sounds like your partner's depressed about being away from you, It happens to me with friends when I moved interstate, it was so hard to talk, we had short answers to each others questions and it felt like we were drifting away, but it turns out we're still best buddies and we still love each other just as much if not more.
i am 36 with 4 kids if you need to talk im me. im female








instant message me i am a good listener and i do not judge, all my friends ring me for advice. im the agony aunt.
Hey Soldier..I'm sorry that you're lonely. I'm trying to remove the military component from your question, mostly becuase relationships are pretty much the same no matter the context (yes there are peculiarities to a military relationship, but I don't think they have bearing in this case). Sounds like the ';love of your life'; isn't all he's cracked up to be. Personally I think you are being played. He hasn't broken up with his boyfriend, he hasn't replied to your email, and his reply is ';yeah, I love you too baby';? Destiny's Child had it right with their song ';Say my Name';. If he's so in love with you, why isn't he shouting it from the rooftops? Why hasn't he broken up with his current boyfriend? I think he's just stringing you along. I know this is hard to hear, but I definitely wouldn't jeopardize my military career by outing yourself. I think it's really sad that the military has a ';don't ask don't tell'; policy in the first place. It's never good to have to hide who you are. Having said that, it is the way it is. Don't ruin your career over a guy who isn't worth it. And for the record anyone (man or woman) who doesn't give you the same love you give them isn't worth it.
First of all i need to thank you for fighting for our country. second i need to say if it is meant to be then it will happen. but it sounds like you are more committed than he. when he is with you he cant imagine anything else but when you are apart he has other things on his mind... i know this is hard to hear and hard for me to judge as well... but it kind of sounds like he may have something still with his ex. they have been together for six years and they obviously see something in eachother that they like or even love...and no matter how great his love for you is, when he sees this other man who he loves and who loves him, well it can get distracting. but also he doesnt seem like the faithful type, when something is new and exciting thats all he can think about but when the excitement is gone he seems to move on. he cheated on his partner for you, but this pattern could repeat itsself... just dont get hurt. tell him how you feel sweetie. and try to take up a hobby that will distract you and make you happy. think carefully about the relationship you left behind in California. Think about how you feel about him. Talk to him just to settle your emotions to either confirm your love for the man from Hungary or your feelings for the guy from California. Dont make any rash decisions. you have a lot of time! relax and try not to think about it so hard. listen to your heart and a little of your brain ;). you just need to make sure you are putting your love and faith in someone that truly deserves it. maybe you just need to look at both of them or something. whatever helps you. Good luck with your relationships and thank you for your hard work!


I hope everything works out!


~L.





p.s. please answer mine!


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
I can see you have a strong devotion to him. Some people will say he moved on, still, I'd like to note that people handle that sort of thing a different way. I've known girls in long distance relationships who kinda avoid their lover because they miss them so much and it hurts to talk to them. I'm sorry you're having this trouble.
you know what, i somehow can relate to you. however, your situation is pretty difficult. you can't make choices. you can't make decisions. settle your feelings to the guy you left in california. do you love him still? do still care for him?





about the guy you met in belgium, do you love him as much as you love the one in california? or do you love him more?





weigh things carefully. don't let some things cloud your judgment.





you're depressed. look for some outlets like stroll around, eat, think of the happy moments you've been together.





by the way, it's not the end of the world yet. you still can look for guys. cheer up! maybe greater things are in store for you. who knows.